Dear anybody who might come across this,
It’s currently January 2nd, 2015. I still haven’t managed to find time to remind myself to correct the time zone for my posts. Therefore, that’s why this will show as January 3rd, I believe.
Anywho, the purpose for this post is to inform everyone that faithfully reads what I post or may just come across this miraculously– that this is going to be the last of my course with WordPress. I’ve ran all of this for awhile now, and I have outgrown it.
I have outgrown a lot of things this past year. I don’t feel bad for it either. I’ve become okay with everything. I’ve reached a peace that I was lacking so badly this past year. I had the worst anxiety, I was always stressing, but my heart feels brand new because I learned to pray a lot more and remain faithful a lot more. I thank God for how far I’ve come in life because a lot of bad things came rolling my way very early on in life for me. From 17 to (now) 20, turning 21 this year– everything feels like its starting to situate itself where everything needs to be. I did a lot of growing. Growing now has become something that I’ve learned to look forward to in life.
As I close this chapter of having a writing blog, I still want to make sure everyone that has followed me and read some of my work or all of it, knows that I have always appreciated the support so so much. The followers, the likes, the read hits, everything on here has given me the confidence that I needed to pursue goals and be driven in the topic of writing. I probably wouldn’t want to write a book if it wasn’t for you guys.
Here’s to gaining a little more mystery in my life, as I go about this year deleting social medias one by one. I will find a way to get my writing out. I will find something new to pursue. I will write a book and be published by 22. I will venture out in many more things and find more passions and share the love. Love that obviously bled through into my writing. Nobody ever figured it out. Who I write about. I am very much in love at 20 but in a very different way. Much more of an adoration that has caused me to learn a lot of new things and how to love selflessly. A huge reason for the way I am now, and how much I’ve grown.
I wish many good things to you guys this New Years.
Thank you again. Here is my last little prose for you guys. God bless.
I thought many times that we could only feel enough to feel and once we felt enough we’d never feel it again.
The butterflies are just one of the feelings I speak of.
I don’t feel them anymore and to think enough of it, makes me very sad.
Kind of makes me start to picture the spark of the chemical reaction that doesn’t take place in my mind.
You feel the absence more than the presence.
The butterflies, I speak of.
I have dreams of them running away from me, and I wake up with my legs hurting
and a knot in my throat.
In the day time, I rub my eyes often to whisk away the empty feeling that nothing seems to fulfill.
I feel everything in a physical sense but my mind has kept away the feelings locked away.
I used my tries up, now I only see what I’m missing when I let my mind rest at night.
I feel the sensation on my spine coming up like when the boy I love traces his fingers up and down it
while I rest.
I feel it but everything would disappear to nothing if I heard sweet words.
I’d probably turn my head over and wish for urgent sleep or to disappear hurriedly in a dream.
A dream where the butterflies get away from me.
But I feel the absence, I know the possibility is in me.
The chemicals are waiting to collide, I feel it when I close my eyes.
The moonlight and darkness falling to further darkness agrees.
They’re there, soon enough it’ll be full enough to bleed out of me in panic of where
I have these dreams.
These butterflies I speak of.
They run away from me.
My nose begins to bleed the same colors of their wings, it runs down on my clothes, on my skin even and it glistens when it touches it.
I want to fall into the field of flowers where they ponder, in wonder,
in curiosity, in need to feel and connect the final dots needed to for the chemicals to collide.
My body melting in utter sensation of feeling butterflies in my stomach reaching every end of my body
like an echo traveling through the darkest caves.
Goodbye everyone, xo.